Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
