My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
How does one acquire holy water?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
