i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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