So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
