She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
