i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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