Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
