So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
