You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
time to smoke my breakfast
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
