Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
These tits shall not be calmed
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
