And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
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I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
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Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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