omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
