I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
and eventually we just all took our pants off
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
