it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
