I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
