I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
