I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
