It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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