I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
This baby is an asshole
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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