I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
