its not stalking. its research.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
