there was a trapeze. enough said
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
