Don't you send me to vm
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Holy shit dude........stairs
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
