my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
