i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
