is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
