so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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