Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
