I think my fart just growled at me.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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