so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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