There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
