I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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