Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize