Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
