Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I wear drunk well.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
