so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize