wrigley field is MILF paradise
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
