I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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