They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
