and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
