He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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