Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Randomize
