Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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