You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
