My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
