So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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