I smell stomach acid.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
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