At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
