just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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