i don't like sucking hair
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
