'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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