THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
