Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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