I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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