Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
