We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
