If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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