I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize