Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
