My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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