i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
