if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
