i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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