you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
