You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I have tasted many bathrooms
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
