he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
