The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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