I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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