i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
