I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
